I want things to be different this time. I feel the difference, now I just want to believe it is true.I want to believe that he will not disappoint me in the times that I am at my lowest and my highest. I want to know that I can carry on without having things kept hidden. I wish those three words I always long to hear did not serve and band-aids and patches to cover a bruise, rather that no bruise would be left behind and that the world would bask in the glory of how beautiful two can be. Sure two is better than one but when two become one, life shines just a little brighter upon not only the two but the people surrounding them as well. I wish to be able to lift up my hands to God whenever I desire, not when a pastor says its the right time to raise my hands unto God. I find these things to intertwine when I least would like them to. What does a hidden love have anything to do with my relationship to this so-called God? Well, God is supposed to honor the heart that is truly his and is willing to do whatever he calls for. Now my personal question to reflect on is whether I've been 100% honest and whether or not I've been deserving of such an approval from the divine. Then the question goes down the drain when I remind myself I love God and thats all that matters. That's all. Everything else is just an add on to life.

I was walking outside of my room sometime this late afternoon, the sun was past setting and I was busy with the little girls in my basement who were watching Hannah Montana. Before closing the door, I looked at my poetry book. I havent written in it in I would think about a month or more...ever since one of my guy friends and I decided to simply be friends, I just set it down, didnt really write in it again. Seems my poetic juices havent been flowing. My motivation is a bit on the low and my summer-teenager mentality has set in. There is so much I have to do and I barely got out of school; I have to
a) study for my SATs
b)Keep up with my summer job
c) Study for the trigonometry regent
d) take care of my niece who'll be here the whole summer
e) look at the colleges I want to go to
f) find some time to spend with Josh ( figure out who he is :P♥ )
g) fine some time to relax!

I've got a full schedule already...and I just want to have fun before I'm a real Senior. I really can't complain though. My summer has started off marvelously. Days at the beach, the pool, with the boo, just plain old fun and its been great. Eh. My writer/artist flow has been a bit off, hopefully it'll be back soon.