Wishes

If only reality could be separated from what we wish. I wish I could be so many things that reality won't let me be. I wanna be with someone that the people of reality would rather have me turned away from but in another world, I wouldn't care what this person did in his past or what he's capable of....in a Land where NOW is what matters the most, he would be the one I want to be with. But my mother told me that she hates when I start to live as if the world would end tomorrow. Funny how so many songs suggest to us that we should live like we're dying, live like there's no tomorrow, tell us that we shouldn't care what anyone else says and that we should go right ahead and love who ever we want.

Why is it that when we separate ourselves from someone, it becomes harder to listen to the music that you did when you were together? Well, the answer is obvious one that you can answer beneath your breath or in your mind, but its the type of question you'd rather have no one answer. You wish there was no answer and that things go could just go back to being great. That you could just go back to being happy. That it didn't matter what consequences could occur.

I spoke to one of my best friends with whom I was actually in a relationship with once, I told him that I feel like Sadness likes to stick to me and he answered back, "I think you like to stick to Sadness". I repeated that in my mind. It was something that was impossible to put back. Let's just say I'm not sad because of the......actually, I can't set my finger on a specific reason as to why tears would be flowing at this moment. Am I ignorant for listening to the song that we had claimed to be our song right at this moment? OH HELL YES. So then why do I still have it playing, I WISH I KNEW, BUDDY. Silly thing is that I'm sure that he *most recent break-up* won't take this as hard. I shouldn't be taking this so hard neither but sadness....we're sticking to each other.

Final words: In an environment where I'm supposed to be thinking about my future and colleges and study my behind off to always get ahead, where I need to behave and make sure that everything I do is for the better of my own self, where I need to make sure I'm not hurting the ones I love the most, where I'm not supposed to abandon God........I'm feeling I want to make myself smaller. I don't want to have to worry about that. I want to let go of that. Not forever. Not for months because obviously summer isnt that long but just for a bit. This is the summer before senior year, perhaps its supposed to not be stressful......

...perhaps I'm the reason why it's so stressful.

This is where we all take a deep breath in and let it out. Shake it off. Take our minds away from such things. Wait on God. I want it to give it all back to you God. I understand why these tears have come down, I walked away from my truest love. I wanna make my way back.