Is it or No.

Is it too early, please tell me, or is it too late.
You always leave me to just sit here and wait.
Oh how I wish that I could just get you to taste
that feeling of suspense, it isnt that great.
But who's to say that you're not just thinking really hard
and who's to day that you're not just a broken mirror and I'm bound to cut my self with one of the shards.
I hardly ask you to be straight up
Sometimes you talk to me as if you've already given up.
Unless there's something that I just dont know
there's some sort of left behind emotion that you just won't show
So we can't grow
We cannot continue on this way
If it me who you're holding back from we can't try another day
We cannot find a way until you find your way.
Until you can finally say that you're ready.
Then we can both be satisfied.
We'll be able to be happy that at least we tried and at least
we tried to find a way to make repairs inside
but alright, the night is getting long and the morning soon with come.
I'll just keep writing on, give my love, and I'll save you some.
( 1 AM)

How to give 100% When All You're Getting Is Zero

Well, that would be a great conversation starter but it's too bad that I don't even know how to answer that question. I find myself in that position more than enough times. I wish there was a way to tell the other person, "I want more SO GIVE ME MORE." without sounding rude or demanding. But we can't leave our needs and wants left untended, we can only do so for so long. You also can't make someone else feel a certain way...you also can't lower your own standard...don't go looking for gold in muck, you'll just get stuck and left there to sit in you're own untimely and unneeded desire.
^^ Did that make sense to you? I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't, it didn't very much to me.

Anyways. My day; it was alright. I took my U.S. History Regent, I went home, went back to school to get my senior picture taken, then back home. I played my guitar for a bit, baked cookies and then went to church. I had a decent time there but my heart was left a little tipped to the side. I would say it's because someone gave a it a little nudge but left it like that, didn't bother put it back in place. But they don't know they did that, they're oblivious to emotion sometimes, so it seems. I left church, went to the supermarket and bought chocolate and marshmallows. I got home, sat with my family, then I went to my room to make an important phone call. The phone call turned out to be nothing. I might as well have called this person and said, "Hey, I'm going to be a clown for the rest of my life and walk on a tight rope for a living" and they would have said, "Well alright then." So yes, that left me quite annoyed. I went back to the yard, had one smore and said it was enough. I had a good time with the parentals and the sister and her bf. Now I'm in my room. Woo.

I sound way more "down" than I should be. Damn. Hope I'm not PMS-ing, now THAT would suck! Haha? Yeah, I don't know. Until next time.

I just wanna say

God is GREAT

I promise I don't have a jealousy problem...

Surely I don't. Okay. Maybe I do. I feel that at the age of 16 I wish to discover more about life than your average teenager. So many teenagers are out there texting, hanging out with their boyfriends/girlfriends, babysitting, doing homework, etc...but I sit here and ponder upon the depths of what my heart really desires to tell me. (Yes, I said ponder and depths, good English doesn't hurt every now and then people.) I spend my time on the buses and trains wondering whether I should
a)study for any sort of upcoming test
b)sleep/nap/that thing when you close your eyes and recharge yourself for a good hour
c)listen to my music and stare blankly around
d)think about whatever life situation I might be facing.

I suppose all people go through this kind of thing...or maybe not. The "maybe not" is reflected in the stupidities I hear people blurt out in my physics class. It shows in the foolishness I see and hear on the streets of even my "very nice and respectful" neighborhood. So "what's up" with the jealousy? Let's see. I see photographs of someone and let's just say every time I see them a bit of me tears. I get emotional for a minute but my attention then gets directed to something else...unless I think about it for a while. I set this as my AIM status moments after having seen a photo: "when i look at her i see the old me. when i look at myself I wonder what he ever saw in her. when i look at him i wish he would see past her and look at how it's always been me. there without reason, idle and sullen." My final thought, that which is in my mind RIGHT NOW is that I can't be stuck in the past, rather I should move on and make the most of life.Check it-->
It is so true. I find the difference that separates me from every other billionth person is that even though I do mess up, I refuse to let life treat me the exact same way it treats everyone.I'm not like every girl who puts the "live.laugh.love." front because I actually do it. So when I'm grumpy know that I was probably too lazy to change the world and decided to wait on the world to change.

One last thing: Follow your heart. If you always do what is defined as RIGHT by everyone else you might miss out on something you will always regret.So even if a risk is at bay, take it; Leap over that safety bump, cuts will heal. Tell that boy or girl you love her, hearts will recover after the truth is told. Take the chance in exposing your feelings, life will continue and will only bring forth better.

I can't do this.

this english research paper is turning my brain to mush, I cannot do it. I dont care that it'll be late but I need SLEEP.

just a quick post. I read that " a goal without a plan is just a wish". I'm just a bit confused when it comes to certain someones. One person calls to say goodnight. The other claims a love unSHOWN and gives a dry goodbye. What to make of this? Oh, nothing. I;ll just focus on school and whatnot...right....*sigh*
G'Night.

"Interested"

..."but there are a few people that I'm 'interested' in." ---"haha, 'innnnnterested' , you're funny...so who are you quote unquote interested in?"---"I've got a list. lemme tell you..."

Oh late night conversations, surely a part of on adolescent/teenager living in a time of cellphones, unlimited mobile to mobile minutes, and the greatness of non-perishable rollover minutes. the generation before me, well the people born in the early 80s or late 80s I guess sure don't know exactly what I mean, I think because in their times of when they liked someone, they wouldn't be able to use their house phone to talk to that person he or she liked. I mean, if they did use their house phone, they definitely ran the risk of having their parents listen in to their conversation on the other side of the line. But not with cellphones! With the cellular device we are able to talk as freely as we would like! Unless you have my parents who look at the number of minutes that I've used for the cellphone bill term which in that case, you're "type screwed".

So I will only be 16 for another 6 days. Interesting, huh? When I'm 17, I'll be a year away from being considered a legal adult. Now that's a strange thought for me.
On a more sunny note...
I seriously cannot wait for Toy Story 3~ The first movie came out in 1995, God...I was only two years old at that time. To think I'll be 17. JEEZ!! I'm getting old! Haha, not too old yet because I don't consider 5O old. B)

Going back to that quote at the beginning...it refers to a certain someone who likes to call me a loser. We have fights. He calls me adorable. I call him mean. He calls me a loser.I tell him I'm a winner. He laughs. Says he can't believe. Then I think to myself, "it's time to return to reality." I then realize this is the real thing. Just, it all seems like a teenage mirage. Something I shouldn't even reach for for I know it really isn't there. Or what do I know? Not much at the moment. And at the moment, I don't need to worry about that. PSH! BOYS. PSHHH. Who needs them.
Girls do, that's who :P But they're really the least of my worries and I know not just any boy who tries to flatter me will certainly reach my heart. For the time being, I love our friendship.

I should SO be asleep. Goodnight.


--Photo Credit to my third leg in the tripod gang Emily Huang.♥ (check out her blog @ kisstheskies.tumblr.com )

Riposte Means a Return...

When I started writing on here again after december 'O9, I had a friend in mind. Not a really good friend but...an acquaintance that I've gotten to know a little more about in the past year & a 1/2. He was feeling a lot of feelings...a feeling overload. So I figured that I would write here in hopes that he might see what I say since it doesnt make that much of a difference.
Anyways, here are the definitions of Riposte:

1 : a fencer's quick return thrust following a parry
2 : a retaliatory verbal sally : retort
3 : a retaliatory maneuver or measure
So there you go :T

All is well, it's Sunday and I'm debating whether if I should go to church today or not. If I don't I'll be cleaning my room (for sure this time ) and I'll then immerse myself into my bible. Either way, it has to be a good day :)